Thirsty.

His Eyes.

I think that’s what got me.

I wanted to know what was going on behind them: his thoughts, his hopes, his fears.

And I wanted him to want to know what was going on behind mine.

To ask questions.

To care more.

To see me as more than a friend; more than a sister; more than one of the guys.

But that’s not where my heart is supposed to be focused.

He’s not what I should be thinking about.

So now I’m sitting on my bed at 2.50 am in the morning admitting this to myself and surrendering it to God…

…again.

Surrender.

Giving my desires to God.

Wrestling with terrifying possibilities.

Learning The Art of Losing.

What holds priority in my life?

Do I count the idea of being in a relationship as worthless compared to the incredible PRICELESS gain of knowing Christ, learning his voice, going deeper into his word, growing in fellowship with him?

I want to.

Like Paul in Philippians 3, I long to discard all else, counting it as garbage that I may know Christ.

I want to.

I’m scared.

I need to…

So I enroll as a student, learning the art of losing all else in order to gain Christ.

To be content with being ‘Grace’ in Christ whom He has reconciled to himself.

Content.

Secure.

Longing for Christ.

Thirsty.

“O God you are my God. I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and your glory. [Let] Your unfailing love [be] better to me than life itself; how i praise you!” _ Psalm 63:1-3