4. 3. 2. 1

4 years -  

Of friendship. Of laughter.

Of shared thoughts and deeper conversations. 

Of being the first man that showed me that not all men were like my father; 

That there was freedom in openness and courage in vulnerability. 

3 years

Of feeling my heart skip a beat when you smiled at me; eyes filled with equal parts mischief, equal parts depth. 

Of pushing back every time I felt you come close and hiding fear beneath a mask of humor and sarcasm. 

Of being friends and wanting more..

2 years - 

Of wrestling through feelings of inadequacy and "not good enough"

Of hiding bruised hearts behind shields of intentional distance and "He's like a brother to me"

1 year - 

Of learning to let go of you.