Guest Reflections: Lori

I have the privilege of being surrounded by some really cool people who have brilliant ideas, engage with incredible people and come across interesting things that more of the world needs to know about. So this series is a space for that.
World, meet Lori.

1. Listening to anything and everything by George Ezra

2. Seeing how suburbia (I grew up and currently live in Mississauga) isn’t so bad when you get to wander around your neighbourhood watching the sunset

3. Reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (started this one last year and put it down to finish up my undergrad, so I figured it’d be a good time to pick it back up now that I’m done school) and George Muller: Delighted in God by Roger Steer (an awesome missionary biography and an incredible challenge to pray boldly and with expectation).

4. Learning that sometimes what I need is more important than what I want. God cares deeply about my sanctification, more deeply than I care about it, and is willing to look like the “bad guy” in my eyes by as He reveals more of the ugliness of my heart instead of giving me what I want in the timing that I want.

5. Wanting to get better at longboarding so that I can tackle steeper hills and cruise for a longer amount of time.

6. Following some awesome women who are so real and open about their lives (@lorewilbert & @emmorice) and a really cool illustrator (@11___13) on IG

7. Thinking Through what is actually restful and what is perceived to be restful. I’ve come to realize that although binge-watching Netflix is easy, it’s not as restful as I think it is. I’m trying to figure out how to introduce activities that might require more effort, but are actually more restful, into my life.

8. Feeling disappointed but confident. I am disappointed because things don’t seem to be working out the way that I want them to, but I am glad that I can have confidence in knowing that even if things don’t work out in how I picture them to, He is still good.

9. Loving hanging out with my parents and getting to know them as I transition into adulthood.

10. Looking forward to learning a new culture in Asia.

February '17 Reflections

  1. Listening to this and this on repeat.       
  2. Seeing how beautiful Ottawa is in the winter is making me fall more in love with this city.  
  3. Reading None Like Him by Jen Wilkin. I highly recommend grabbing a copy of this book. It will bring you to your knees in worshipful surrender.  
  4. Learning that community is intentional and messy and wild and frustrating and confusing and beautiful and loving and encouraging and different and necessary.  
  5. Wanting to get my Ontario Driving License so that I can go on long drives. 
  6. Following this cool profile on IG.  
  7. Thinking through how to go about getting counseling. It's time to follow in the courageous footsteps of some of the people I know and get much needed help unpacking some of my thoughts, feelings and experiences.    
  8. Feeling tired but not weary. 'Tis sweet to know the difference as I prepare to continue in full time Christian ministry.  
  9. Loving the fact that I'm doing this blogging thing again.    
  10. Looking forward to Spring and Summer in Ottawa! 

re - learning

It's an interesting thing when the lies you wrestle with are spoken in your own voice.

" You know you're ugly, right? "

"He would never like a girl with short hair. You look like a man."

" You think your mum paid all this money for you to come to Canada to be a missionary? " 

It's like punching yourself in the face over

and over

and over 

and over again. 

And watching confidence bleed out like blood flowing from a self - inflicted wound. 

And letting these lies somehow become my truth -  

Wearing them like a shield and using them like cement to build up the walls around my heart even as the wounds I'd inflicted continued to bleed and scab and bleed and scab and grow. 

Soon I forgot what it meant to walk with confidence. 

I would walk down the street with my head hanging so low, I could taste the ground.

And try to reach for confidence deep inside myself but it's hard to re-fill from a cup that is empty enough to form cracks at the bottom - 

And try to find my confidence in what other people thought of me, but human beings were not made to carry that kind of weight. 

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest

But I insisted on carrying this yoke on my own. 

After all, shouldn't I be strong enough? Brave enough? Christian enough? 

So I existed in this space of speaking and teaching Truth but not believing Truth for myself.

Do you know what that feels like?

Like there's a black hole where your heart used to be and joy and laughter and authenticity and all things good are slowly being sucked into it. And I became a shell of what I was created to be.

And in the midst of that, His voice spoke - strongly, softly.

I AM sufficient.

Trust Me. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. 

Grounding me. Holding me. Stabilizing me. Breathing new life into weary bones.  

Let the weary rise
Lift their eyes to see
Your love crushing every lie
Every doubt and fear

And Truth was spoken - words that I'd forgotten how to believe. 

Awake my soul to sing
With Your breath in me
I will worship
You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment
And I will worship

And today, again, truth is spoken to pierce past the lies - to teach the beauty of resting in the goodness of my Abba - anchoring myself not in humanity and things that may change but learning to anchor my life on what is eternal.