4. 3. 2. 1

4 years -  

Of friendship. Of laughter.

Of shared thoughts and deeper conversations. 

Of being the first man that showed me that not all men were like my father; 

That there was freedom in openness and courage in vulnerability. 

3 years

Of feeling my heart skip a beat when you smiled at me; eyes filled with equal parts mischief, equal parts depth. 

Of pushing back every time I felt you come close and hiding fear beneath a mask of humor and sarcasm. 

Of being friends and wanting more..

2 years - 

Of wrestling through feelings of inadequacy and "not good enough"

Of hiding bruised hearts behind shields of intentional distance and "He's like a brother to me"

1 year - 

Of learning to let go of you. 


August Reflections

  1. Listening to this album on repeat. Grateful for music that points me to the One from whom all life flows.        
  2. Seeing my new staff team and beginning the process of learning them - thankful that God goes before me because this is wildly new territory. 
  3. Reading I Don't Wait Anymore by Grace Thornton. Each chapter is filled with wisdom and reminders of truth and grace and God's love that never fails. I find myself now, at the end of the book, wanting to go back and read it over again. 
  4. Learning that community is intentional and messy and wild and frustrating and confusing and beautiful and loving and encouraging and different and necessary.  
  5. Wanting to go back to consistently working out and eating food that is nourishing for my my body. 
  6. Following through on my decision to get a nose piercing. 
  7. Thinking through what habits I need to change - ironic that one of them is working on getting to bed early even as I type this out at 1AM.    
  8. Feeling really loved, welcomed and cared for by my roommates. 
  9. Loving the devotional series that Rend Collective is releasing ahead of their Campfire II album. Here is their latest one.   
  10. Looking forward to Summit - our Fall Campus retreat at the end of September! 

Understanding my "Blackness"

I didn't know I was black until I moved to Canada. 

Most of my life up until that point had been spent navigating class divisions but my migration brought with it the awareness of another social location that I had not really thought about: race. 

And yet, because of the colour of my skin, there was an expectation that I would understand the history, culture, struggles and weight that came with being 'black' in North America. This is where I pulled up - still pull up - short in my understanding. 

What exactly does it mean to be 'black'? 

Moreover, does the definition of blackness or rather the understanding of what it means to be black change with geographical location? 

This thread of reflection has been largely influenced by the development and growth of the Black Lives Matter movement Toronto chapter that has been working to bring about awareness of police brutality and racism against people of colour in Toronto. 

I see their posts and the activism that they engage in and feel as though I'm watching from the outside. 

How do I get in? 

Do I want to get in? 

Do I have the right to "be in"? 

I think this post is the beginning (continuation?) of me seeking understanding and direction on how to engage with a community that I have been placed in though I had no prior knowledge of it. 

I want to learn more - to understand - to engage.

How can I do that?  

And most importantly, how can I do that in a way that glorifies God? 


June Reflections

  1. Listening to Hamilton: The Musical soundtrack. Lin Manuel-Miranda is an incredibly talented creative.        
  2. Seeing my family this past week while they were in Toronto for my convocation ceremony - Time with them was good for my heart. 
  3. Reading Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi. This is a heavy book and I find myself learning and thinking deeply as I go further along in it. If you get a chance, read it? I'd love to talk about it with you and hear what you think.   
  4. Learning the art of surrender and the freedom found in it.   
  5. Wanting a chance to spend some time at a cottage for a weekend before the summer is over. 
  6. Following this really cool Instagram profile run by three young women who are passionate about travel and style. 
  7. Thinking through the gospel and how to live it out in my life, how to be intentional in my relationships, what it means to be fully satisfied in Christ, how to mourn with my friends who are grieving in different ways, how to hold onto hope at a time when the world seems to be falling apart - the list is endless.     
  8. Feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken by all the deaths that have happened around the world over these past few weeks and at the same time thankful for the hope that I have in Christ even in the face of immense evil. 
  9. Loving this blog.
  10. Looking forward to this coming week which will be my first full routine week in a long while.